critically acclaimed

the inevitable can always be stopped

you know what is a weird feeling. knowing that you have to instantly prepare for your future and actually kind of doing that then doing a complete reversal into the nothingness of apathy and wanting to return to past days in hope of finding answers. yeah that didn't make sense but is kind of where i am at. but know this is what really grinds my gears. time. seriously it can go fuck itself for all i care. but the good news is that motivation is slowly creeping back into the system. i am sort of, kind of doing actual things now and then. not a lot just enough to scrap by for the time being. i just don't care about this semester anymore and i have almost turned that around in hopes of getting my ass out of this year so i can move on into life. i went to a conference last week which consisted of professionals in my current area of professional development which is student affairs. that conference did a good thing for me because it gave me a little kick in the ass and now i have to sit here and pound through some grad school type things in order to get myself out of this city. i am excited and i know that i have done the right thing. now i have to kick my perverbial post-teenage apathy in the perverbial ass or i will get nowhere. i wish that was easier said than done. a lot of me wishes that i didn't have to go to school or work because that would be so much easier. if i could just work at home for the next couple of months i would get a lot of research done in my selected areas and have no problem preparing myself for grad school. i could be so happy right here in front of my computer listening to my ever growing song library and do the shit i need to do. but then again i am too busy drinking and playing poker. that isn't a good thing but something i am living with and this damn disease called senioritis in which the only cure is large amounts of grain alcohol. funny how that works out.

the biggest thing that i am scared about is the fact that the direction i need right now is something that i need to find. i am basically on my own in a sense in that i have to forge ahead and decide what i want to do with my career. this isn't an easy decision because i have things in the way now. sarah is there and i have to plan my life around her because we are on the track right now of preparing for the long haul. i don't really know where i am at right now but somethings have shown me that i am ready for this transition and to be frank i just want it to happen right now. this waiting that i am doing here in GB isn't bringing me new learning experiences because i believe that my learning here is done and kuput. that's all she wrote and therefore i just want to move on right now. i didn't think that it would happen as early as it did but i am ready to work and ready to put my skills to the test. bring it on bitches i have tons of material behind me ready for arrival.

posted by critically acclaimed @ 4:53 PM