critically acclaimed

marriage as a form of punishment

am i really afraid of marriage or is what i am feeling this psychological need to be a part of the social created male society that i am a paying member of since birth? is my behavior created therein by myself and therefore i am in control of my general sitaution. or am i just fucked and should resign to the truths and myths of current situation and stop using bigger words to describe an already normal affair of being a questioning youth in a society in which that has become a cool personality trait and not a bare bones reality. ok that was a hardcore run-on sentence and shouldn't be included in a crappy diatribe about the fact that i don't like to think about marriage. i can't think about that thought. i am a male, i am a college senior...blah...blah...blah. like i said sometimes i should just not talk and things would go a lot better for a lot of people.

i think the real question that i have started to post to myself as of late is why is that there is this one girl that will ruin the rest of my life. i don't mean in the she is bad for me type of way but rather no matter what female i decide to sleep with in the future this is the girl that i am going to think about. i can't get over her. i tried. not that hard but it was an attempt. note to self don't date the cool artistic girl you think will show you the meaning of things. they just drive you to drink way more than you should. but as i was musing of cultural and personal relevance tonight i brought a very poigant point is that we are taught to go for the girl next door. we don't go for the hot bombshell because she is a bitch and will never love you like the girl next door will. but why is that the case and what the hell is the girl next door anyways because even that cultural stereotype is becoming shifted and wraught of all "The Wonder Years" glory. so yes is it cruel glory that Winnie Cooper ruined this boy's life. (the girl that ruined my life looks like Winnie Cooper http://http://www.danicamckellar.com/) so therefore i will go through this neverending cycle of similtaneously of thinking about being and not being with her at the same time. all i can say is that women have been the sole cause and purpose of my life and have therefore fucked everything up. i won't complain and i won't argue. i had it coming so long ago and have given up fighting that fact.

it's hard trying to sound original in all of the material that i discuss when i am looking at my past relationships. i could say everything i expound willingly from my mouth is just another homage to every song and movie i have ever seen. but that would only be the partial truth because i am all out of ideas and i know that i will keep cycling back upon myself in a rage of glory and sadness. i will get married. i will have the 2.5 kids and the dog. not the minivan i prefer buicks mostly out of a genetic dispostion and tranical hatred for the walking villages that are SUVs but who i am to say i won't be a hypocrite. in the end everything does work out and i am still just babbling along at the speed of my brain just waiting till someone gives me that purposeful ego boost that i have been searching for.

but in the immortal words of
"Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."

goddamit.

posted by critically acclaimed @ 11:07 PM